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Post by Weemzy Queen on Jun 6, 2016 10:39:18 GMT -5
This is by no way a serious beginner's guide. I just thought it'd be funny to put in this board of the forum.
Are you struggling fighting your way through the recent games you have played? Are you being whacked too early for your liking? Do you struggle hiding your scuminess when you're scum? Are you needing some how to be pro-town tips? Or maybe overall, you're just a bleak, boring as fufu player. Just in general. It happens. Don't be sad.
BECAUSE THIS IS THE PLACE FOR YOU! Below will eventually be several guides, inspired by our very own players, on how to act as a certain. It is your choice on which one you wish to follow. It's seriously the best way to improve your mafia playing skills and you will for sure become an award winning mafia playing expert following these guides.
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Post by Weemzy Queen on Jun 6, 2016 10:46:12 GMT -5
A Step by Step Guide On How to Act Town as Mafia: According To 'Dr.' Harry. Edition 1 Special.
-An Important thing to remember throughout is - Emphasise Key Words with Caps Lock-
Step 1: Make everyone understand you are an old-timer and superior to everyone else. This will be the base of your play style for the whole game. It is an important first step.
“but I'm actually the one who started the bold rule when I was hosting in the VERY early days.”
“Lala, Skelda, Katie, Emzy, Twiddle and I should just team up on all the new schoolers and turn this game into an UTTER blood bath when it's just us left. ALL IN FAVOR”
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Step 2: Be wary of the players in the game. Make accusations towards ironic scumteams and pretend to be absolutely gobsmacked at the possibility of a scumteam between these people.
Remember to capitalise the key word: BIGGEST to emphasise just how shocking this mafia team would be. Because you are so totally town and you get shocked at these type of ironic scumteams.
“Skelda and Dahl being scumteam would be the BIGGEST slap in the face.”
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Step 3: Pretend you care about people’s thoughts about the game. You need to look like you have it all together and you’re working for town. Deep down, however, you are terrified they will catch you out.
“Alleen you need to start getting serious. I've seen all these people hype you up saying that you've become a force to be reckoned with in Mafia, and I expected you to be a LEVEL under myself at LEAST. However I was wrong. What are some serious thoughts you have? WHY do you think people are evil? WHY should we trust you?”
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Step 4: Attempt to whack whoever you just told to play the game with all energy and effort they have. Because you immediately regret this and realise they might just catch you out.
“Well I have decided that I want to whack Alleen. Vote: Alleen DIE SLOW SCUM BEAST”
Step 4.1: If you failed at whacking this previous player, kill them at night. You can’t risk ANYTHING!
“Alleen is dead”
Step 4.2: Since you’re so totally town, act outright SHOCKED at the latest kill. You were trying to get this person whacked! UGH! This is like, ultimate towncred. Trust me.
“I cannot believe they ACTUALLY killed Alleen”
Step 4.3: Trash this person. Remember the emphasis.
“Relying on her VERY UNINFORMATIVE posts will be our downfall.”
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Step 5: Finally, that person is out of the way. Towncred is restored and you need not panic of being suspected. Rest assured, you now must pretend to help town int he normal way. You know, make fake lists, offer fake opinions. Blah blah. The boring stuff. The easy stuff, you know?
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Step 6: Oh my god, the easy stuff wasn't so easy after all. Distance yourself from being mafia... QUICK! Things are going downhill. Question your, and your scum team’s choices. It will surely gain you towncred.
“But wait, why Rosey? Why aren't HUGE players being targeted? Alleen, Rosey... What's in scum's mindset?”
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Step 7: RED ALERT! RED ALERT! If people are really seriously considering you as scum you HAVE to IMMEDIATELY fall onto this common used defence tactic – state how you play as scum and town!
“IF I WERE SCUM SKELDA WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD A VERY LONG TIME AGO, WITH TURNER FOLLOWING RIGHT BEHIND.”
“You think I'd want to go to the final 8 with Turner, Skelda, Katie, and Lo? That would be so STUPID of me“
Step 7.1: Try Hard. Try Hard. Try Hard. TRY. HARD.
“Skelda, PLEASE tell me you have one more investigative power you can use tonight.”
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Step 8: Avoid your own, or your partners’ possible whacked by enforcing a totes-obvious whack or a no whack.
“Of course Lo is trying to whack because all she is, is a FOLLOWER.”
“I'm keeping my vote. Scum would be stupid to target someone else tonight with Lo alive.”
“What if Skelda and Lo are the actual scum? Roles aren't revealed upon death. It's an easy claim.”
“OR WE CAN NL!!??”
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Step 9: Give up and buss your partner. Even though it will do nothing for you as this is a no-reveal game. You’re only weakening your chances but you MUST exit this game in a blaze of hot glory mess... Errr.... Amazingness. Obviously. Anyway, it's all about helping town, right?
“The only person we haven't heard much from is Caro.”
“Fine. Vote: Caro sorry girl”
(You must apologise to your partner for bussing them. If not, that would be just rude.)
Step 9.1: Regret the bus.
“Vote: Katie”
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Step 10: cthulhu. cthulhu. cthulhu. Downright, outright TELL TOWN how HELPFUL you have been. They’re all so idiotic for not realising anyway. YOU. ARE. TOWN.
“The fact that I'm even on the chopping block just shows where everyone's logic is. I have been EXCEPTIONALLY helpful to town this game - aggressively.”
“I have people to do that for me. EVERYONE IS SO OBSSESSEF WITH HARRY bc I am so good at this game, I become a THREAT no matter what I do. I'm silent? He's gotta go! Talking a lot? Harry's gotta go!”
“I worked SO hard this game. But for what? EIGHTH PLACE. EIGHTH. LO IS GOING FARTHER THAN I AM.”
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Hopefully by this point you can still leave in a blaze of glory. Remember step one. You are superior to everyone and must make it known. Your initial plan didn't quite work, but you tried your best. And you know you did great. Everyone else is just blind to your obvious I'M TOWN ways. Stupid people.
Pro Tip: Fake claiming a sure fire way to kick off your town cred. It can be risky but if you have been true to all the steps, this will for sure set the whole situation of fire. And you can get that blaze of glory. 
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Post by Weemzy Queen on Jun 18, 2016 17:11:26 GMT -5
A Step by Step Guide On How to Win as Serial Killer: Mafia Games According to EmzyLink To GameStep 1: Convince yourself you are town but you kill at night. Act like town all throughout the game. Kill all the mafia people at night. Make accusations towards mafia, forget there is ever a serial killer in the game. If the topic comes up, address it quickly and subtly then just move right on. Forget it. You're town. You're looking for mafia and that's all that matters.
"Night 1: I'll kill cake then meg... No wait I'll kill Harry."
"Night 2: I'll kill cake this time... Actually nah kill Katie."
"Night 3: Meh. Kill Nana."
How can you NOT be town after killing all the mafia? Like really, come on now.
*******************Step 2: Now we shall fast forward in time to where you are so close to winning. Like, incredibly close. Like, so feckin' close that you just cannot be bothered WAITING so OBNOXIOUSLY long for someone to CATCH UP? Like excuse me betch? You have nearly WON THE GAME and now you want to NOT vote who is on the whack post to READ BACK and make a possible OTHER whack choice? Excuse me? No. "Meg. You are annoying me now. I don't want to have to stick around any longer and linger about all night, i'm in the mood to congratulate those who win and by the morning, well let's just say i'm not a morning person"
Step 2.1: You realise you've been a bit mean and impolite. Patience is a virtue, after all. Shake it off by telling everyone how ready you are to party right now at your win... *ahem* TOWN'S win. Because you ARE town and NOT serial killer. By this point in the game it is inevitable to admit that there is a serial killer left in the game. But like, that doesn't mean you ARE that serial killer. Pfft. "IM IN THE MOOD TO PARTY AND I DO NOT WANT TO WAIT FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FOR PARRRRRTTTIIIIEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Step 2.2: Oh God forgive your impatient soul, you just made that person tinkled off. *prays to the Lord, father in heaven. Bless me please, forgive my sins* "Zipping. My. Mouth."
"Sorrreeee Megggeeeeee I'll glue my feet to the floor and zip my mouth shut FIGURE OUT AWAY MEG, you have all the time you need."
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Step 3: How dare someone ask you if you are serial killer? You are most definitely not. Zip that mouth. Obviously. You can't say "no" either though because God WILL send you to hell especially after you failed to remain patient. Heaven is the one true place for your soul, do not upset the holy spirit. "Em are you SK? I promise if you are I will not vote bc if you are you totally deserve to win but I'm dying to know if it's you or sky!""Mmmmmm!!! I'm keeping my mouth shut!"
*******************Step 4: Someone is taking waaaaaaay too long to vote for not you. Ugh. Just give up. "Oh i give up, i have to go now and i cannot stick around forever, if sky comes in you lot can vote for me, town wins. This is just dragging on and on and i understand that meg wants to sit down and work things out and end the game properly but to be honest my mood has just sunk because i was so sure and excited and it was so tense and... now it's not. Goodnight everyone.""No i didn't slip, i'm sorry if i'm ruining things but to be honest, you must all know my role now. You win, i loose, i deliberately dragged myself to the ground and made it look like a slip."
Step 4.1: HA! PSYCHE! GET THE GAME BACK! GET IT BACK! Feeeeeeck. "Ok! I confess! I only claimed because I thought you would all just vote me out but nope! Its a possibility that I'm sk but its also a possibility that ray is sk! Tbh I was just tired so my claim may not be true. But you two don't know if it was true or a fake claim. Meg how do we know your not the sk? What if you made a fake claim of being cop?? If you really are cop, why didn't you investigate ray if she was a suspect from day one? If you did then we might have gotten somewhere by now, what if ray really is the sk? Why didn't you investigate her? We could have found out!"
Step 4.2: Put the blame on the person who has been backing you up because she knows you are the Serial Killer and she wants you to win and she also wants to twist it up and NOT have the game end with you being all angry and impatient. Oh, also state here that your Serial Killer claim WAS a fake claim. Trololololol. "Ray has been acting pretty strangely through the entire game, I think when was uneasy with being an extra killer, nervous and scared that we would catch her out and now with all her back up mafiosos that she killed she's lost and trying to cover up my fake claim by a real claim knowing that you won't believe her and vote for me which will lead to her victory!! You can't possibly be wanting another townie dead?!??! By voting me you're going the right way about letting the SK win!"
*******************Step 5: Finally, the person taking FOREVER to vote FINALLY votes for some player other than you. BOOM BADDA BOOM! HAMMER! WIN! WOOT! That was eeeeeasy. Just make sure, when voting, that you continue to admit your fake claim. Keep the story fresh and... truthful. Yes. Indeed. Heavenly father, God. He shall be so proud of you. "Sky says: I hear ya but you are all knowing so you understand why I will not "vote" for myself and end the game. I just can not bring myself to throw in the towel and hand the game over on a silver plater. Meg says: "So I don't like this statement at all. Handing the game over on a silver platter to whom exactly? The town, you meaniehead SK?! I've got nothing! I'm so horrible at this, I should just definitely always die early in these things! Vote: Sky I'm probably wrong, but whatever. I'm off to work now, bye!" You say: "meg, i'#m glad you brought that up, i completely missed that, she's fooled us all i tell you but she did kill the mafia for us, she HAS to be the sk! Vote: Sky"
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Step 6: Now watch as afterlife throw fits at how you claimed scum and still won. Watch as the remaining townies realize who you are. Watch as everyone just saw, before their very own little eyes your Serial Killer claim that won you the game. "As the night sky was approaching, so did the remaining members of the town upon our Sky. She tried to beg, tried to plead, but the town led by Emily placed the rope around Sky's head. "This will only hurt for a minute," whispered Emily ... a cold glint in her eye. SKY -- Vanilla Townie -- whacked Emily, the Serial Killer had destroyed them all -- mafia and town alike. Muah hahahha Congratulations Emily!!"
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Pro-Tip: Never, ever, ever let this game disappear in the history of mafia games. Keep the fire blazing, never let the flame burn out. Don't let the wind or rain put this out. Bring it up every time someone is serial killer. Bring it up whenever you can. You did such an amazing job. Well done.
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Post by Weemzy Queen on Jun 26, 2016 8:28:44 GMT -5
Credits: Title by Renee. Most quotes provided by Renee.
A Step by Step Guide On How To Perpetuate The Myth That You're A Mafia God: According to Skelda
Step 1: Okay so first of all? You know things. Not just general things, but how to play mafia. You know your shizz, and all the shizz around you. You know what's happening and there is absolutely no question to it.
"The kill didn't not happen due to activity and scum didn't choose not to do it. That wouldn't happen."
"Lala is so scum this game. I can tell."
"Those are horrible reads."
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Step 2: Due to you being the one true saviour of the games in your kingdom [Ultimate Mafia.com], you will ‘suggest’ what people should be doing. They ought to listen to you and obey. You know everything and everyone knows your place in here so it’s only fair people listen to your ‘suggestions’ regardless of any consequences.
"We should whack someone. It doesn't matter who we think is scummy."
“I think you people are irrational with this and you should whack whenever you have the opportunity in setups with this variance, but acting like that makes me scum is such utter rubbish. And you know my position on this.”
"I do not want Quickit whacked."
"Well it is technically possible that she has important info for the Town. I still want to whack her anyway though."
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Step 3: To add to your godliness, especially because you're town, you have to convince people that you're town because it's so incredibly obvious. And not obvious in the same way that other people are obvious when they say they are obviously town but they're actually mafia. You're special, so it's different for you and people are incredibly idiotic if they don’t realize this.
"Whenever I'm Town, I feel like I'm being super obvious. I feel like I say that more often as Town than as scum, but I definitely consciously add it as scum because I know it is a thought that runs through my mind as Town. I am obvious though so what am I supposed to say?"
"I have a 0% chance of being scum. If we played this game 100 times, I would be Town every time. I'm that Town."
"I don't want to claim. But trust me, I'm Town."
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Step 4: Since you are THEE Mafia God, you KNOW what is happening. You are the dictator of this place, the ruler, the very best. The game is in your fantastically enlightened spiritual hands. Therefore it is absolutely ludicrous that people think you’re scum! And the poor little uneducated maggots think they’re going to whack you today.
"Honestly people, I'm not getting whacked today so get that out of your minds. I am Town."
"I'm not getting whacked today. Not happening."
"I am not getting whacked today. And I didn't get to play last game either so you are a huge hypocrite."
"I am Town. And you aren't getting a whack through on me. Period."
"Do I have to spam this thread D1? I am Town and you are not going to whack me."
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Pro-Tip: If ever in doubt, like, ever, just remember you're fabulous. Oh, right- Mafia. You rule the game, you know all and you are right all the time but even if you're not, people still need to listen to you. Your way is the only way and let them know that, let them know they have no choice in the matter you're dealing with.
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